Homecoming

I have no excuse for my behavior, blog readers. No posts for months despite the cries of friends...

Having just finished a semester of classes, tests, and presentations and having been home for Christmas a few days now, I haven't been able to settle into "home." The 12+ hour drive spread over two days gave me plenty time to dwell (ok, overanalyze) on the previous semester, but the questions in my mind continue to be unsettling for me. This post is my attempt to pull it all together, so please bear with my stream of conscience manner.

I can confidently say that I learned more this fall than any other time over my college career. My classes challenged me, probed uncomfortably at my assumptions about myself, my community, and my relationship to everyone. Most of all, I continue to struggle with this calling to be with the poor, to be an aware and involved member of my community. I took a course on ethical theory and practical models of interaction at the same time as a social entrepreneurship course, being asked to create a high impact, sustainable social enterprise (more commonly known as a NGO). Then, in November, in the middle of academic insanity, I went to the National Youth Worker conference in Nashville on the way home for Thanksgiving. To my delight, one of the speakers (Shane Claiborne) had been the author of one of our readings in the ethics class (how convenient). So, I gave into this inclination to dive head first into this topic: ecclesial ethics, taking the words of Jesus seriously, and how that was really going to mess up my life. I went to Shane's super seminar, "The Scandal of Grace," at one of the local churches, where the pews were filled with an array of people, all who were itching to learn more from this Simple Way founder and author of The Irresistible Revolution (thesimpleway.org).

Here are some of the notes from his talks that have been keeping me up at night and swirling around in my head. Please keep in mind that these are quotes pulled from hours of talking and dialogue.

-When people ask us if we're Christians, we should say, "What do you think?"
-We are to be a people of hospitality and grace.
-Can you name someone who is poor?
-Be an extremist for love and grace.
-Community helps you absorb suffering
-Some people need to be reminded that they are wretched, but there are others who are perfectly aware they're wretched and need to be reminded that they're beautiful.
and one of my favorites - You can have all the right answers and still be mean.

In one of my final papers, I wrote 15 pages on a poor, disadvantaged, and at-risk in every sense of the term neighborhood that is also shining with life and hope, but plagued by crime, drugs, and poverty. By the way, it is also located in my hometown. More than once during the research and writing, I had to wipe away the tears from my eyes as I read article after article on the history of the area and its demise, how the rest of the city ignored its neighbors. It still haunts me - I was beginning to see my hometown with new eyes - sad and critical, yet hopeful eyes. I have also been attending these vigils in my new city each time someone is murdered in the community. I have learned that God meets me through the poor and in those moments of shared grief and love more clearly than in stiff, pristine sanctuaries where perfect music is so carefully played that I begin to wonder where the kingdom is anymore. Believing, listening, and obeying the words of Jesus is messy and difficult. In Shane's words, living simply is hard as crud.

It hasn't helped that I've been leading a small group on spiritual disciplines, including simplicity, this semester. Is God trying to teach me something? I think so. My current state is one of deep reflection over all I have learned and am learning.