Homecoming

I have no excuse for my behavior, blog readers. No posts for months despite the cries of friends...

Having just finished a semester of classes, tests, and presentations and having been home for Christmas a few days now, I haven't been able to settle into "home." The 12+ hour drive spread over two days gave me plenty time to dwell (ok, overanalyze) on the previous semester, but the questions in my mind continue to be unsettling for me. This post is my attempt to pull it all together, so please bear with my stream of conscience manner.

I can confidently say that I learned more this fall than any other time over my college career. My classes challenged me, probed uncomfortably at my assumptions about myself, my community, and my relationship to everyone. Most of all, I continue to struggle with this calling to be with the poor, to be an aware and involved member of my community. I took a course on ethical theory and practical models of interaction at the same time as a social entrepreneurship course, being asked to create a high impact, sustainable social enterprise (more commonly known as a NGO). Then, in November, in the middle of academic insanity, I went to the National Youth Worker conference in Nashville on the way home for Thanksgiving. To my delight, one of the speakers (Shane Claiborne) had been the author of one of our readings in the ethics class (how convenient). So, I gave into this inclination to dive head first into this topic: ecclesial ethics, taking the words of Jesus seriously, and how that was really going to mess up my life. I went to Shane's super seminar, "The Scandal of Grace," at one of the local churches, where the pews were filled with an array of people, all who were itching to learn more from this Simple Way founder and author of The Irresistible Revolution (thesimpleway.org).

Here are some of the notes from his talks that have been keeping me up at night and swirling around in my head. Please keep in mind that these are quotes pulled from hours of talking and dialogue.

-When people ask us if we're Christians, we should say, "What do you think?"
-We are to be a people of hospitality and grace.
-Can you name someone who is poor?
-Be an extremist for love and grace.
-Community helps you absorb suffering
-Some people need to be reminded that they are wretched, but there are others who are perfectly aware they're wretched and need to be reminded that they're beautiful.
and one of my favorites - You can have all the right answers and still be mean.

In one of my final papers, I wrote 15 pages on a poor, disadvantaged, and at-risk in every sense of the term neighborhood that is also shining with life and hope, but plagued by crime, drugs, and poverty. By the way, it is also located in my hometown. More than once during the research and writing, I had to wipe away the tears from my eyes as I read article after article on the history of the area and its demise, how the rest of the city ignored its neighbors. It still haunts me - I was beginning to see my hometown with new eyes - sad and critical, yet hopeful eyes. I have also been attending these vigils in my new city each time someone is murdered in the community. I have learned that God meets me through the poor and in those moments of shared grief and love more clearly than in stiff, pristine sanctuaries where perfect music is so carefully played that I begin to wonder where the kingdom is anymore. Believing, listening, and obeying the words of Jesus is messy and difficult. In Shane's words, living simply is hard as crud.

It hasn't helped that I've been leading a small group on spiritual disciplines, including simplicity, this semester. Is God trying to teach me something? I think so. My current state is one of deep reflection over all I have learned and am learning.

Is God a woman?

I haven't posted in a while. Looks like I'm on a one blog per month rate. Oh well. In the past month, I have made the long trek to school for my 5th semester, started classes, and overcommitted myself to various organizations and events (as always). Last week, there was a day where I was booked solid with class and events from waking up to going to sleep. I was not feeling well. It was one of those, "let me count the hours and minutes until I'm done with today" days. I wasn't looking for inspiration or learning - I just needed to finish the day. That's when I embarked with my class on what you may call a field trip. We loaded into cars, drove into a part of my city I've never been to, and we joined the group forming there in a random lot for a vigil.

In July, a young woman, close to my age, was shot and killed there. I didn't know her ,and I still can't tell you much about her or the accident. But I can tell you that I saw God move in a community at that vigil when I was unprepared for it. Her family members and friends joined the group of locals like us. There was a short message about how even in pain, we can know that the Lord loves us. There was singing, crying, and praying. A time came for anyone to share about the young girl. A few friends and family members said a few things. Then, when her aunt tried to speak, she broke down in tears. I had this urge to run over and hug her, but I was stopped by this sense that it wasn't appropriate, that I shouldn't invade into her private matter. Then, suddenly, a older woman crossed the circle, and wrapped her arms around the crying aunt. We were then told that she had also lost two children to violence. I knew then that she was the only one who had the right to hug her and say, "I know how you feel."

I'm reading this book right now called The Shack. Every person I talk to has a different opinion on it. I've heard people say that it's amazing, a good read, heretical, challenging, awful, and a trend for certain kinds of Christians. All I know is that it is making me think about God and the nature of the trinity again. It's challenging me to answer tough questions in myself about why there is pain in the world. Really how could a loving God let this pain happen? Personally, I have come to terms with that question. C.S. Lewis' The Problem of Pain was helpful, but I still have a difficult time explaining why I'm ok with it to someone who doesn't read the latest theology, someone who is in the midst of pain. In the novel, God is portrayed as an older, black woman whose name is "papa." At the vigil, when the bold woman crossed to circle, I saw God in her. It was a connection of images, but it was also very real and moving.

I had just an hour before spent my social entrepreneurship class dreaming about my business plan to create an NGO to "help" my city, but really, in that moment at the vigil, the people helped me. I saw what God was really all about - stepping across the circle, across the boundary of personal space, across what is comfortable for us, to hold us so dearly and just let us cry. No words necessary.

Olympic Fever

08.08.08 What an awesome date! All day I've been packing for my trip to Costa Rica. I got all the mini shampoo bottles and charged up my camera batteries and iPod. I'm ready to go... except for one thing. The Olympics. When I signed up for this trip, I did not realize that it would overlap with the first week of the games, and I'm that girl who records every sport so I can stay up all night watching and gets into all the sap stories. I love, love, love the olympics. When I watched the games in Atlanta in 2000, I fell in love with gymnastics, and I started that year.

I'm watching the opening ceremony right now. There is something so great about watching the world come together. So, maybe it is perfectly fitting that during the games, I will be with people very different from myself, in a different world. Yeah, that may sound cheesy, but I like cheesy.

No surprise to anyone, I'm most pumped for gymnastics: men's and women's. My favorites: Raj Bhavsar and Shawn Johnson. Raj wasn't originally on the team; he was the alternate, a spot he knew all too well, for he was the alternate at the 2004 games when everyone, including Raj, expected him to make the team. Once again in 2008, he rocked the olympic trials, being the only male gymnast to almost get automatically nominated to the team. He missed it by a few tenths. He waited, only to find out that he was again an alternate. However, the captain of men's gymnastics, reigning all-around gold metalist, Paul Hamm, removed himself from the team recently due to his injured hand that would not be ready for competition. The door flew open for Raj. It is his time. To learn more about him, watch these videos...

Fluff about Raj from the Olympic Trials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T53lZyDQw1Q
Raj on High Bar from the Olympic Trials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ci15wDTuSo

and just for fun, because she is amazing, watch Shawn Johnson's beam routine and floor routine from the trials.

Beam: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qQq9lhNwHA
Floor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbd67f9wK0s&feature=related

Drenched in Insanity

Running is not my favorite pastime by any means. Since retiring from gymnastics over 3 years ago, I've been on a hunt for a new favorite work out routine in the hopes of staying fit. I've tried classes like kick boxing, step, weight training, yoga, pilates. My school offers a nice gym, complete with fancy machines like the stairs, eliptical, and treadmill. Said machines do nothing for me except make me depressed and self conscience. I can't handle the idea of running without actually going anywhere or walking up an endless set of stairs. I think the flat screen TV in front of me is suppossed to distract my mind from the actual pain I'm experiencing; well, that doesn't work.

The search still continues for the regular work out routine, but on the rare occasion that all the variables allow me, I have an unusual activity: running in the rain. In my hometown, it really means it when it rains - serious downpours. Today, I was sitting in my room when I noticed it was beginning to pour. An excited grin crossed my face, and I sprinted to don my running clothes and shoes. Once I was ready, I acknowledged that I was insane and set off to get drenched.

Conveniently, the neighborhood across the street has a lake which is surrounded with tall trees and a winding path. Once I made it there, I was alone, finally able to escape the strange looks. There is a part of the land that extends into the middle of the lake like a mini-peninsula. I made my way there, stood at the edge, with the lake all around me with the rain seriously running down my face, clothes, collecting in my shoes. The only thought in my mind was grace like rain. Todd Agnew, a K-Love favorite and Memphis native, wrote a new version of "Amazing Grace" by adding a catchy chorus and a new rhythm. I couldn't help but acknowledge that he was right to compare the two. His chorus says, "And hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me. And hallelujah, and all my stains are washed away -they're washed away..." Drenched, soaked to the core, looking out at His beautiful creation, I thanked God for his grace.

I'm studying Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster with a few girls this summer. In the chapter on the discipline of study, Foster encourages us to learn from nature, not merely from theology books. I feel the Lord's grace pour over me when I run in the rain. Go ahead, get soaked in his grace.

Yes, I Blog Too

It's an interesting phenomenon - blogging. I have enjoying reading those of my friends for a couple of years. It's gives one the freedom to argue, challenge, and oppose ideas that one disagrees with, without actually having to say it to one particular person. It is the easy way out - I recognize that. I would rather have a conversation about anything I post than this one-sided conversation. What a wonderful gift it would be to have someone reply, "hey, me too. i understand how you feel; let's talk about it." Then, I wouldn't feel so strange.

The title of my blog, "How All Were Very Busy" is a chapter title in one of C.S. Lewis' Narnia books, Prince Caspian. I really loved the picture it paints. Lewis probably thought, "well, in this chapter, all the action has to unfold. a million different storylines and themes need to merge. what should I title it?" My hope is that in blogging, I will encourage myself and others to be still, to take a break from all the list making and rushing to think about things outside their small world. I've learned that sitting still is an almost impossible task for me. I have a million thoughts running around in my head all day long. I hope this blog gives me the motivation to dwell on the bigger picture. If you enjoy reading, let's have a conversation about it.

I was blessed to hear God speak through Louis Giglio recently, and he said, "We often make the mistake of thinking that because we were moved, something happened." It's time we took action. If poverty breaks your heart, do something to fix the problem. If you believe something is ethically wrong, take a stand. Let us all be moved to action, not merely moved.